Fibromyalgia is not all in your head…

When I say that I have suffered  for ten years from Fibromyalgia, I don’t just mean the physical pain.  It can cause a lot of emotional pain and suffering as well.  Because of Fibromyalgia I have missed out on a lot of fun times with my family because I was just too sick to participate.  I have four wonderful children who I know love me very much but I also know that they wish that I could be more like other moms and go places with them and have a good time.  I spend most of my day (and night) sitting, reading, knitting, crocheting, or typing on a computer because I find it too painful to stand up.  Sometimes I can’t do these other activities either because it might be my hands, arms, eyes or head that is being affected that day.  Because of this I do not go out to work and I am a stay-at-home mom even though my kids are all in school full-time.

I can’t go shopping with my daughters because it takes too much out of me.  They usually end up going with their dad or one of their aunts when they really need to buy something.  It makes me feel so guilty but there is nothing that I can do about it.  It makes me so sad that I spend most of the time at home crying while they are out shopping and having a good time.  If I ever did try to go with them I would be a bed or couch potato for weeks because of a one hour shopping trip.  A few years ago I did go out with them and when they were both in the fitting rooms trying clothes on, I went to find a different size for them.  When I squatted down to find the right item, I couldn’t get back up again.  My legs gave out on me and there was NO strength whatsoever to push me back up again.  I was so embarrassed.  The salesgirl came over to give me a hand, but the way she was looking at me I know that she was thinking that I couldn’t get up because I was too fat.  (Obviously she was just some skinny teenager and couldn’t possibly have related to my situation.)  People aren’t always fat because they eat too much, sometimes it’s because they don’t (or can’t) move enough to lose the pounds.

Also Fibromyalgia is the reason I couldn’t take my sons to the park when they were younger.  It was too far for me to walk even though it is only about 30 houses down our street.  They are old enough to go by themselves now, and they don’t want to anymore, so the opportunity is gone.  I missed out on family walks around the block after dinner every summer.  My husband takes them all hiking, shopping, visiting relatives, fishing, while I usually stay home.  When I do go with them I have a miserable time because I am always uncomfortable and in pain.  I’m not exactly the life of the party.  On the inside I am still a fun loving person, but because I am in pain at least 90% of my day, you would never know it.

My husband has had to put up with a lot and that really makes me feel guilty.  After the birth of our first child I stayed home from work to raise her.  Then along came the second, third and fourth children.  I had always thought that when my youngest son was in school full time that I would be able to go back to work and help with the finances and not leave everything up to my husband.  He has to support all six of us and has been doing it for 17 years now.  Well, I was wrong.  When my little guy was only six months old (to the day) I had to have surgery from complications of childbirth.  Two months later I had to have another operation done, and that was the beginning of the end for me.  

I was supposed to go home the following day, but that night my bladder decided to shut down on me and my left side went completely numb; I couldn’t even walk.  From that point on (June 22 to be exact) I have had nothing but doctors appointments and tests at least once a month.  It has been horrible for me the last ten years and I know it hasn’t been a picnic for my family either.  I know that they get frustrated with me but I just wish that they could understand that I am doing the best that I can even if it doesn’t really seem like it.  

Not all doctors believe in Fibromyalgia because it is such a difficult thing to treat.  No one really knows how or why you develop it and not all treatments work for everyone.  What might give one Fibro sufferer relief will do absolutely nothing for someone else.  I was on “the Fibromyalgia pill” called Lyrica for over one year and the only thing it did was to give me double vision every morning.  I don’t call that an improvement, do you?  Fibromyalgia does not only cause pain, it’s so much more.  If you can picture having Arthritis, Lupus, Reynaud’s, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Irritable Bladder Syndrome, Restless Leg Syndrome, Migraines, memory loss, rashes, dry painful eyes, Tinnitus, Multiple Sclerosis, and the Flu all rolled up into one condition, then you will know how much Fibro sufferers have to deal with.  

Fibromyalgia is real.  I know, I deal with it every day of my life.

You can read more about my experience with Fibromyalgia on my blog jedopi.blogspot.com.

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