The Letter

My life is so unpredictable.  I just did my usual stuff and I don’t know what happened that this sudden change has turned my world upside down.  I don’t know exactly what it is, it just hit me but there is something really special about you.  It might be all the things I see on the surface, the way you move, the way you talk, the way you walk and all your actions and plus a wonderful smile obviously connected to a warm and loving heart. I receive so much joy just being able to see a smile in your eyes. For me, these things set you apart from everyone else. Or it may be the person you really are that I long to know more.  How I wish I could figure out the magic that makes you so special.

It’s so funny ‘coz sometimes I find that you’re on my mind more often than any other thought and sometimes I bring you there purposely just to make my day complete. hahaha!  And what’s more funny is that you surprise me and find your own ways into my thoughts. Hmmmm!  There are even times when I wake up and I realize that you’ve been a part of my dreams. Then during the day, when my imagination is free to run, it takes me into you and allows me to linger knowing there’s nothing I’d rather do. I know my thoughts are only reflecting the loving hopes of my heart because whenever they wander, they always take me to you. Honestly, you have no idea how deeply my life has been touched by you.

But why does my throat close whenever you speak? Why do I feel happy and sad at the same time when I see you? Why do I feel so tense when you get near me?  My eyes directed down when your gaze falls upon me, oh that smile! How can I get close to you? I’m afraid to talk to you. I’m scared that I might say the wrong things. I’m even shy to approach you. So for now, I feel it is safer to watch you from afar with no rejections.  I want you to tell me everything I want to hear but it’s impossible. I want you to tell me that you feel the same but it’s impossible. I don’t know if you’ve noticed the way I look at you, it’s as if nothing could turn my eyes away from you and every time I think of you I can feel the butterflies fluttering inside me.  I don’t have any expectations from this coz I know this is the one thing that’s impossible to happen.  I have no expectations from you nor am I waiting for something in return. Seeing you from afar is enough.

But as days, weeks and months past, I’ve realized that my heart is sinking…drowning…  It is becoming difficult for me and sometimes I don’t want to see you. I don’t want such feeling to grow anymore. My pain is my fault. I did this to myself. I know you would never like me, want me, and love me. I can never be the person you want to be with.  I have to let the dream of you and me go. I have to let this feeling go. I have to let YOU go.

Goodbye pink.


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