Loving an Addict
Maybe it’s your mother that’s and addict. Maybe it’s your lover, husband or wife that’s an addict. Maybe it’s your best friend, cousin or roommate. It doesn’t really matter how the person is or isn’t related to you. There are some things that are quite common to addictions and the people they claim.
If you love an addict, then you have been on a roller coaster road that you didn’t know you bought a ticket to. Without a doubt there has been a point in your life when you wondered what you could do for the addict you love, or if you were somehow to blame for the addiction. You have felt anger, frustration, fear and guilt. You have also felt love for the addict. They have rejected you and you have gone on loving that addict. They have blamed you and pointed out all the things that are wrong with you. They have cried out their pain in your arms. They may have even begged you for help.
But what they haven’t done is deal with themselves. For every person who loves an addict, there has been a time when the addict has rejected that person and left them to feel alone, desolate and unworthy of the love the addict used to give them. Bad new folks…they can’t love you as you want to be loved anyhow. Someone reading this just shook their head and said “That’s not true.” Consider this. To love someone, some part of you must love yourself. The addict does not love themselves. What they do love is immediate gratification, making excuses, blaming others and they will eventually reject those that confront them if they choose to continue their addiction.
Without fail every addict is an emotional vampire. They will take everything that a person who loves them offers them until that person has nothing else to offer them but honesty. They will smother those that love them in emotions that are too overwhelming for them to face, but they will not be there when the other person needs them. They can’t. The addict does not know how to stand on that side of the fence. They will continue to use people and leave them as empty shells when they are done.
The person that loves the addict has to remember that they are dealing with an addiction. Should they feel sorry for the addict? In part it is a sad process to watch and most people would rather look at the potential goodness of the addict than see them for who they really are. They will scorch you with their complete lack of compassion and they will be the black hole that those who love them will find themselves lost in.
If you love an addict and you love yourself than the only thing you can to do to help them is to stop enabling them. Many lovers find themselves rejected or smothered at the whim of the addict and yet they themselves must go elsewhere for emotional support. Mothers of adult addicts find themselves still tending to their cooking and cleaning needs, thinking that they are doing the addict a favor. Fathers rescue their daughters from abusive situations only to find the daughter herself is an addict placing herself in the same position over and over or she is with an addict that she will return to for the love of his potential. Don’t let this be you. Stop enabling and know that though they are addicts, it is their own choice to stay active. The more you enable, the more they will kill you with your own love.