It was the Illusion

  1. It was a cold morning still dark. The street lights were still on. It was winter time and so the nights were longer than the days. The street was free from a crowd, so the environment was relaxed and peaceful. The cool winter air was blowing, and I was shivering with it. My feet were striding forward as I had given time to my friend and he would be waiting. I kept walking with my hands in the pocket.
  2. Something struck my mind as I was walking. I said to myself, “It was good that I took her out of my mind.” And then my mind was converging to my past. The past in which she scribbled something in my heart that I never understood and I kept gazing at it to give it a meaning, but worthless.
  3. Those days, still in my reminiscence, I used to think of her. I used to notice her smiles, her grins and her talking styles. Her grins especially made me lose my heart out of my dominion. I wanted to get rid of it but what could be done of the irrepressible heart.
  4. I did not want myself to indulge in such things, but her grins impelled me and I could not control my heart. She used to stay in my mind, in my dream, in my imagination and in my own entire world all the time. When she came near to me, I used to get flustered. When she talked or laughed with someone, I used to get my heart disturbed. My heart used to leap up in her happiness, and get frustrated in her trouble.
  5. But my feelings, she never knew because I did not want it. I did not want myself get indulged in it. Those inexplicable feelings of my heart as I confined within myself and so never got revealed and ended within myself.
  6. I suddenly looked at my watch. I was getting late, so I had to take strenuous striding steps. My past was hovering around me as I was walking. I said, “Now it is all finished. No more frustrations in her trouble, no more heart disturbances, and no more the flustering moments.” Then I smiled a little remembering my craziness of those days.
  7. How flexible our mind is, how dynamic our thinking is, everything, the restlessness of our heart. I thought so much of her those days, why are they gone? Where are they gone? As defined by all, such feelings  called love and people go on judging their love and all who fall in love say to themselves how true their love is. Yes, that time I too said to myself that my love is true; I love her truly and from my heart and so on. How big and how strange the illusion was? Had my love been true, how I could forget her so easily only when I knew that she already had someone else in her life.
  8. Was it my jealousness, that I was so disturbed when I unexpectedly saw her with him on the way? Why did I felt so depressed with it? What was the pain in my heart? Why did my heart get hurt that time? And for all these questions, I said to myself that was the time, that present that have been past now where my heart had those feelings. And also it is the time that has healed all the sufferings and today I feel like I was never hurt, forgot all the pains. Instead, those moments that pained me that time, now made me feel comfortable in reminiscence and smile within myself analyzing within myself how crazy I was. I concluded it is the time that heals everything.
  9. And from far I saw my friend waiting for me. He was with me also at the moment where once my heart broke; I mean at the moment, the illusion rammed my heart. When our eyes met from the distant, we smiled at each other and then again I remembered my smile to her when I saw her with her special one.
  10. May be that was the illusion, but I still hope I will get into bigger illusion and the illusion that will not end until my death and even forever that my soul will always remember.

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